I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
