pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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