She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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