dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the day after is always just damage control
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize