I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
