i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
