I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
