hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
