i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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