420 ftw
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
