I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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