every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
