Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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