some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
