Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
