Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
