the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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