last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
