Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
