I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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