Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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