Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk is not a location!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize