We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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