You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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