Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
