He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
