i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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