We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
