I cockslap morals
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
