You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize