New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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