fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
