woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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