I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
