yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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