So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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