Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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