So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sponge bath it is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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