Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
did i just pee glitter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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