yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
