I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
