"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i think i just lost a toe
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
