Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
