Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
