Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
