I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
