'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
