Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
