she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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