i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
