I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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