No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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