I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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