Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
