and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
