Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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