we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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