she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
