WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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