I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
