I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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