I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
