Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
