Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
