I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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