It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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