I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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