they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
