My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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