I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
smell my finger.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ok first of all what the fuck
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