there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
