You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
