I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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