I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
